Leadership Communication Skills: Six Languages Build Influence

Introduction

Strong leadership communication skills involve much more than choosing persuasive words.

People judge a leader through what that person says, how they respond under pressure, which behaviours they tolerate, how they make decisions, and whether their actions match their promises.

A leader may deliver an inspiring presentation yet damage trust by avoiding difficult decisions. Similarly, a manager may speak warmly about empowerment while controlling every small detail of the team’s work.

Therefore, leadership is communicated continuously.

In The Languages of Leadership, Wendy Born presents six leadership languages: courage, strength, engineering, abdication, trust, and vulnerability. Together, they provide a practical way to understand how leaders influence their teams, peers, and senior managers.

The book’s central challenge is personal.

When leadership becomes difficult, it is tempting to blame the team, the organisational structure, senior management, or a lack of resources.

However, the most useful starting point is often the one person you can directly change: yourself.

Leadership Improvement Starts with Self-Leadership

Leaders regularly face circumstances they cannot control.

A senior executive may change priorities without warning. A talented employee may leave. Meanwhile, another department may fail to deliver an important dependency.

Although these issues matter, focusing entirely on them can create frustration and helplessness.

A more productive question is:

What can I change in the way I am leading this situation?

For example, you may not control a company-wide restructuring. However, you can control how clearly you explain it to your team.

You may not be able to change your manager’s personality. Nevertheless, you can improve how you present information, ask questions, and manage expectations.

This idea is closely related to Stephen R. Covey’s distinction between the Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence.

The Circle of Concern contains everything that affects or worries you. In contrast, the Circle of Influence contains the areas where your choices and behaviour can make a difference.

FranklinCovey explains that proactive people direct more of their effort toward what they can influence instead of becoming trapped by what they cannot control.

Take leadership personally—but not destructively

Taking leadership personally means caring about your impact.

It means asking:

What did my behaviour communicate?
Did I make the goal clear?
Have I created confusion?
Did I listen before reacting?
Am I modelling the standard I expect?
What could I do differently next time?

However, personal responsibility should not become self-blame.

A leader cannot control every result, person, or external condition. Therefore, the goal is to take ownership of your contribution without assuming responsibility for everything.

Assess Your Current Leadership Level

Changing your leadership style begins with an honest assessment of how you currently operate.

Many people judge themselves by their intentions.

They may say:

“I care about my team.”
“I support new ideas.”
“I trust people.”
“I communicate openly.”

However, employees experience behaviour rather than intention.

A leader may believe they welcome new ideas while interrupting every suggestion. Similarly, someone may claim to trust the team while requiring approval for every minor decision.

Therefore, a useful assessment should examine evidence.

Ask your team:

What do I do that helps you perform well?
What behaviour makes your work harder?
When am I at my best as a leader?
What do I avoid discussing?
Where do I become too controlling?
When do you need more clarity from me?
What should I do more or less often?

Feedback can feel uncomfortable. Nevertheless, leadership improves when self-image is tested against other people’s real experience.

The Six Languages of Leadership

The six languages can be understood as connected stages of leadership development.

Courage and strength begin with the leader’s own behaviour and purpose.

Engineering and abdication focus on creating the conditions in which other people can perform and take responsibility.

Finally, trust and vulnerability deepen relationships and create a more open culture.

These languages are not separate personalities.

Instead, effective leaders learn when and how to use each one.

1. The Language of Courage

Courage is the willingness to face what is uncomfortable but necessary.

A courageous leader may need to:

Challenge a weak decision
Give difficult feedback
Admit that a strategy is failing
Defend an unpopular but ethical position
Ask for help
Address poor behaviour
Make a decision without complete certainty

Courage does not require aggression.

In fact, speaking loudly or forcefully can sometimes hide insecurity.

Leadership courage is often calm. It allows a person to state the truth clearly while remaining open to new information.

For example, a manager might say:

“We have missed three important deadlines. I need us to discuss the reasons honestly and decide what must change.”

The statement is direct. However, it does not shame the team or assume that one person is entirely at fault.

Courage requires discomfort

Leaders sometimes delay difficult action because they want certainty, approval, or a perfect solution.

However, waiting can make the problem more serious.

Therefore, ask:

What important conversation or decision am I avoiding because it feels uncomfortable?

The answer may show where courage is currently needed.

2. The Language of Strength

Strength is not domination.

Instead, it is the ability to remain grounded in purpose, values, and responsibility when pressure rises.

A strong leader provides steadiness.

They do not change direction simply because the room becomes uncomfortable. At the same time, they do not become rigid when new evidence appears.

Strength may include:

Clarifying the team’s purpose
Setting reasonable boundaries
Making decisions
Remaining calm during conflict
Following through on commitments
Protecting important standards
Accepting responsibility for outcomes

Purpose is especially important.

Without a clear purpose, leadership can become a series of reactions to the loudest problem of the day.

However, when people understand what the team is trying to achieve and why it matters, they can make better decisions independently.

Courage and Strength Must Work Together

Courage without strength can become impulsive.

A leader may challenge everyone but fail to provide a clear direction.

On the other hand, strength without courage can become rigid or silent. The leader may protect the current plan even when evidence shows that it needs to change.

Together, the two languages create responsible action.

Courage allows the leader to face reality. Strength helps them remain guided by purpose while deciding what to do next.

3. The Language of Engineering

Engineering is the work of shaping an environment in which people can succeed.

Leaders influence performance through the systems they create.

These systems include:

Roles
Decision rights
Meeting structures
Information flow
Incentives
Feedback
Tools
Deadlines
Measures of success

When employees repeatedly fail, the immediate response may be to question their motivation.

However, the working environment may be creating the problem.

For instance, several people may believe they own the same decision. Alternatively, nobody may know who is responsible. A target may be clear, but the required information may arrive too late.

Therefore, leaders should examine the system as well as the individual.

Ask:

Is the desired result clear?
Does the person have the necessary authority?
Are responsibilities understood?
Is important information accessible?
Do our incentives support the behaviour we want?
Which process is making good work unnecessarily difficult?

Good leadership engineering removes avoidable barriers.

4. The Language of Abdication

The word abdication can sound negative because it often means abandoning responsibility.

However, within leadership development, it can also represent deliberately giving power, space, and ownership to others.

A leader cannot empower a team while remaining the decision-maker for everything.

Therefore, effective delegation requires more than assigning tasks.

The leader must also transfer appropriate authority.

A useful delegation conversation should clarify:

The result required
The boundaries
The available resources
Which decisions the person can make
When help should be requested
How progress will be reviewed

Afterward, the leader must allow the employee to work.

Constantly correcting every detail communicates that ownership is not real.

Abdication is not disappearance

Giving power to others does not mean becoming absent.

Leaders remain responsible for direction, support, and accountability.

The balance is:

Do not take back the work merely because another person approaches it differently. However, do not withdraw so completely that they are left without guidance.

This is one of the hardest leadership communication skills to practise.

Directive Leadership Versus Empowering Leadership

Teams sometimes need clear direction.

During an emergency, a new employee may require detailed instruction. Likewise, a high-risk task may need strict controls.

However, directive leadership should not become the permanent default.

When leaders solve every problem, employees may stop thinking independently.

As a result, the leader becomes overloaded while the team becomes less capable.

A stronger approach is to adjust the level of direction according to the situation.

You may begin by showing someone how to complete a task. Next, allow them to recommend a solution. Eventually, they may be able to make the decision and report the outcome.

Therefore, empowerment is usually developed in stages.

5. The Language of Trust

Trust grows when words, decisions, and actions remain consistent.

People are more likely to trust leaders who:

Keep commitments
Communicate honestly
Share relevant information
Admit uncertainty
Treat people fairly
Address problems consistently
Avoid taking credit for others’ work
Respond to mistakes without humiliation

Trust does not mean assuming that every result will be perfect.

Instead, it creates confidence that people will act responsibly and discuss problems openly.

Leaders can weaken trust through small inconsistencies.

For example, asking for honest feedback and then reacting defensively teaches people to remain silent. Similarly, promising confidentiality and later sharing private information damages far more than one conversation.

Therefore, trust is built through repeated behaviour rather than one inspiring speech.

6. The Language of Vulnerability

Vulnerability means being honest about the limits of your knowledge, certainty, and experience.

A vulnerable leader may say:

“I was wrong.”
“I do not know yet.”
“I need your expertise.”
“That decision had an effect I did not expect.”
“I could have handled that conversation better.”
“I am concerned about this situation too.”

These statements do not automatically weaken authority.

Instead, they can show self-awareness and honesty.

However, vulnerability must remain purposeful.

Leaders should not transfer unmanaged emotional pressure to employees or expect the team to care for them. The goal is openness that supports trust and learning.

Why vulnerability supports team performance

When leaders pretend to know everything, employees may hide uncertainty and mistakes.

In contrast, when a leader can admit an error without collapsing into defensiveness, other people gain permission to speak honestly.

As a result, problems may be raised earlier.

Ideas may also improve because team members no longer need to protect the appearance of perfection.

Trust and Vulnerability Reinforce Each Other

Trust makes vulnerability safer.

Meanwhile, responsible vulnerability builds trust.

For example, a leader who says, “I made the wrong decision, and here is what I have learned,” demonstrates accountability.

However, the statement must be followed by changed behaviour.

Without action, vulnerability can become another performance.

Therefore, credible leadership combines openness with follow-through.

How Words, Actions, and Behaviours Work Together

Leadership language is communicated through three channels.

Words

Words explain direction, standards, concerns, and purpose.

Actions

Actions reveal what the leader truly prioritises.

Behaviours

Repeated behaviour shapes the culture people experience every day.

Problems arise when these channels contradict one another.

For example:

A leader says wellbeing matters but praises excessive working hours.
They ask for innovation but punish responsible failure.
They promote teamwork but reward only individual performance.
They encourage honesty but exclude people who disagree.

Employees usually believe repeated behaviour more than formal statements.

Therefore, leadership communication skills require alignment.

A Practical Six-Language Leadership Review

Use the following questions during a weekly or monthly review.

Courage

What necessary action or conversation am I avoiding?

Strength

Which purpose, value, or standard needs clearer protection?

Engineering

What process or condition is making performance harder?

Abdication

Where am I holding authority that someone else is ready to use?

Trust

Which promise, behaviour, or inconsistency needs attention?

Vulnerability

What do I need to admit, ask, or learn openly?

Choose one practical action from your answers.

Small behavioural changes can have a greater effect than another general promise to “communicate better.”

Using Leadership Language with Your Team

When leading direct reports:

Provide clear expectations.
Explain why the work matters.
Match authority with responsibility.
Ask for input before deciding.
Address weak performance respectfully.
Recognise effort and results fairly.
Admit mistakes.
Follow through consistently.

Moreover, do not assume that everyone needs the same leadership approach.

An experienced employee may need freedom. Meanwhile, a new team member may need detailed direction and regular support.

Using Leadership Language with Peers

Peer influence depends less on formal authority and more on credibility.

Therefore:

Understand the other team’s goals.
Explain shared benefits.
Bring evidence rather than blame.
Make requests clear.
Respect competing priorities.
Keep agreements.
Address conflict early.

When peers feel that you understand their situation, they are more likely to consider your needs.

Using Leadership Language with Your Boss

Leading upward requires courage, judgment, and preparation.

You may need to:

Clarify changing priorities
Challenge an unrealistic commitment
Explain risks
Request a decision
Share difficult information
Recommend a better approach

However, complaining without offering a path forward rarely increases influence.

A more effective approach is:

Explain the situation.
Describe the business effect.
Present realistic options.
Recommend one option.
Ask for a clear decision.

This turns concern into useful leadership communication.

Common Leadership Communication Mistakes

Blaming the team first

Before criticising motivation, review your direction, systems, and behaviour.

Confusing control with strength

Strong leaders create clarity. They do not need to dominate every decision.

Delegating tasks without authority

Responsibility without decision-making power creates frustration.

Asking for honesty but punishing disagreement

People quickly learn whether an invitation to speak is genuine.

Using vulnerability without accountability

Admitting mistakes matters only when behaviour changes afterward.

Communicating purpose once

Important messages must be repeated and supported through decisions.

Who Should Read The Languages of Leadership?

The book is especially relevant for:

New managers developing a leadership identity
Mid-level leaders influencing teams, peers, and senior executives
Experienced executives reviewing their impact
Technical specialists moving into people leadership
Project leaders working without full authority
HR and leadership-development professionals
Anyone who wants to communicate with greater confidence and influence

Its value lies in showing that leadership is not communicated through words alone.

Actions, systems, boundaries, trust, and openness all speak.

About Wendy Born

Wendy Born is a facilitator, executive coach, speaker, and author who works with executives, senior leaders, and leadership teams.

Her official profile describes more than 25 years of experience in corporate and management roles, along with qualifications in human resources, finance, operations management, and professional coaching. She is also a graduate of executive education in leadership at the Harvard Kennedy School.

In addition to The Languages of Leadership, she is the author of Raising Leaders. Her work focuses on making leadership practical and helping individuals and teams improve performance through usable tools and behavioural change.

Frequently Asked Questions

What are leadership communication skills?

Leadership communication skills include explaining direction, listening carefully, influencing others, addressing conflict, delegating clearly, building trust, and aligning behaviour with words.

What are the six languages of leadership?

The six languages are courage, strength, engineering, abdication, trust, and vulnerability.

Why does leadership improvement begin with the leader?

A leader cannot directly control every employee or condition. However, they can change their own decisions, communication, systems, and behaviour.

What is the language of courage?

It is the ability to face necessary discomfort, speak honestly, challenge weak decisions, and act despite uncertainty.

What does abdication mean in leadership?

In this context, it means deliberately giving appropriate authority and ownership to others rather than controlling every decision.

How does vulnerability improve leadership?

Responsible vulnerability helps leaders admit mistakes, ask for expertise, and create an environment where others can speak honestly.

How can leaders build trust?

Trust grows through consistent behaviour, kept commitments, fairness, honesty, clear expectations, and responsible responses to mistakes.

How can I improve my leadership communication skills?

Seek honest feedback, clarify your purpose, review your behaviour, improve delegation, address difficult issues early, and practise one of the six leadership languages at a time.

Conclusion

Effective leadership communication skills are expressed through every decision, conversation, and repeated behaviour.

First, leaders must focus on what they can influence.

Next, they need the courage to face difficult realities and the strength to remain guided by purpose.

Moreover, they must engineer better working conditions and give capable people genuine ownership.

Trust then grows through consistency, while vulnerability creates space for honesty and learning.

No leader will use all six languages perfectly.

However, greater awareness creates choice.

Instead of reacting automatically, you can decide which leadership language the situation requires.

The most influential leaders do not simply tell people what leadership means.

They communicate it through the way they act every day.

Call to Action

Review the six leadership languages and identify:

The language I currently use most
The language I avoid
One conversation requiring courage
One standard requiring strength
One system requiring improvement
One responsibility I should transfer
One trust issue I should repair
One truth I should admit

Then choose one visible action to complete during the next seven days.

influential leadership, leadership behaviours, leadership self-awareness, The Languages of Leadership, trust-based leadership, Wendy Born